Stoke Travel announces more bad reviews and good times well into 2018
Studies show that the worse the reviews the better the time had by the majority of punters
While many of you are finding that the new year doesn’t necessarily mean a new you, Stoke Travel has remained steadfast in its commitment to be a bastion of bad decisions this year. Citing the previous years’ cavalcade of chaos, fuck ups and overwhelmingly good times, Stoke Travel have vowed to stay just the way you like us into 2018 and beyond.
“We never got into this business to be good guys,” explains Stoke Travel’s JT. “Everybody has too many do-gooders already in their lives — from family members, to religious leaders and high school guidance counselors. We want to be the good time guys, the let’s-have-fun-at-all-costs gang who often act irresponsibly, take risks, and break rules, because that’s where the real kicks lie.”
Since its inception way back in 2005, Stoke Travel has provided a platform for travellers from all walks of life to have the best times imaginable, to lose all their inhibitions and land themselves in all sorts of tricky, exciting situations.
“It’s not really our fault,” continues JT, “we just let people do what they want, and nine times out of ten what they want is to act like carefree, hedonistic savages. I mean, we don’t necessarily encourage them to drink so much that they piss their pants, but we do open the bar and definitely won’t judge them when they do.”
In many regards Stoke Travel has acted as a sort of petri dish through which amateur anthropologists can witness humanity stripped of social conventions, almost viewing people in a sort of modern, primordial state.
“You should hear the grunting and groaning that comes out of our tent cities — and at any time of the day! It sometimes sounds like a tribe of neanderthals found their way into a chicken farm. I mean, i’m sure they’re having a good time and all, but the guttural symphony that slinks out of those nylon pleasure domes is sometimes a bit confronting.”
All these things have led to some dorks leaving nasty Stoke Travel reviews around the internet.
“There are some people who just can’t handle the heat. Some who aren’t cut out to have no-holds-barred good times. They get all sad about bad weather and warmish beer, forgetting that if they drink enough of that beer the bad weather won’t matter anymore. That’s not to say that there aren’t some legitimate complaints, but we’ve always been of the opinion that you can have a damn great time no matter what happens if you really want to.”
And Stoke Travel wouldn’t have it any other way. The way they see it, our lives are filled with too many rules, too many people judging us for just wanting to make the most on our one and only spin around the solar system on this crazy rock, and that’s why Stoke Travel vows to continue creating judgement-free spaces into 2018 and beyond — and if that’s irresponsible then so be it. The world’s already too full of puritans and wowsers, why would you want your travel company to also be a bunch of life-restricting dorks? Stoke Travel will continue to be a place where you can come and do whatever you damn-well want.
Are you ready to join in the most excellent fun? Are you looking forward to making an absolute monster of yourself? Will you join us in not giving a flying fuck in 2018? Maybe the Stoke Travel passport is for you.
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