JOSEPHINE RYAN MURPHY
When you’re travelling you end up in a lot of sticky situations, literally sticky situations. Nothing you own is clean and you don’t have any of the proper utensils to do anything adequately. You also don’t want to waste your money on anything that isn’t directly assisting you in either travelling for longer or staying intoxicated for longer. With that in mind, we’ve used our knowledge of being stingy to weed out some of the life hacks out there that actually aren’t bullshit and are, in fact, fairly useful.
Opening Wine Bottles With A Shoe And A Tree
Sounds dumb, like it will probably just break the glass and your hand and you know what? It can, so be careful. Place your wine bottle inside a shoe and basically just give it a good whack off a nearby tree. You can do it on a wall too, but a wall is a little more solid and a little more likely to end in tears. Takes a few go’s and your wine gets a little bubbly but drinking unintentionally bubbly wine is better than staring, sober at an unopened bottle of wine.
Editor’s note: be careful with this lifehack, one time, filled with the confidence that comes with opening, and consuming, multiple bottles using this method, a hand was sliced open by an exploding bottle and a the morning before a friend’s wedding was spent in a Portuguese hospital having a tendon reattached.
Beer Cans Into Cups
If you want to share out that bottle of wine but don’t have any glasses and want an option that is at least arguably classier than knocking it back straight from the bottle, get everyone to down a can of beer first and use a can opener to get rid of that top bit, turning it into a cup. You can even rinse it out and use it for your cereal in the morning in lieu of a bowl.
Phone And Water Bottle Into Lamp
This one always makes people Ooo and Ahh — particularly when you’re using it to illuminate the next joint rolling. Turn on your phone torch and place it on the ground shining up. Fill up a bottle of water and pop it on top. The whole thing illuminates into a pretty decent lamp. If you’re lucky, you’ll see super fucked up people lifting just the bottle and trying to use it to search for their lighter. Hilarious. Swap it for a bottle of vino tinto for some romantic red lighting and turn your tent into a bordello.
Plastic Bottle Into Spoon
Particularly good when you’re camping, but you’re stingy so you didn’t actually prepare yourself very well for camping. Cut out a strip of a large soda bottle — the one you used for mixer last night. Cut right down to the bottom where it’s got those four scoopy, spoony shapes. You can use a lighter to soften the edges a bit and mould them into a better shape if you want to.
Vodka Makes Clothes Smell Less Terrible
You know all that vodka you keep drunkenly dribbling onto yourself? It actually makes your clothes smell less shit. When you’ve been traveling for a bit and neglecting your personal hygiene including washing any of your clothes ever, spray a little vodka over them to mask the smell. Don’t go too heavy though or you’ll be swapping the smell of sweat and piss for vodka, you want just enough to sort of neutralise it.
Ziplock Bag As Phone Mount
When you’re stuck on ridiculously long journeys and you have no friends and reading on buses makes you feel sick, watching movies on your phone is generally the next best option. Except holding out your phone for hours on end is really annoying. Instead of cramping up your hand, pop you phone into a sandwich bag and find a way of attaching to the back of the seat in front of you.
Nail Varnish Stops Tears Spreading
Some would consider clothes covered in holes overworn and ready to be thrown out. Those people probably haven’t been travelling for weeks on end though and look well put together all the time and I bet they even smell nice. When you’re travelling you don’t want to waste your money on new clothes that will inevitably be destroyed before your journey is done anyway. Get some clear nail varnish and paint it over and frayed edges to stop the tear spreading.
Bobby Pin To Fix Flip Flops
When the hole where that little plugger bit gets too big and the strap keeps popping out you can use a bread clip to hold it in place. But when it gets beyond that, which it probably will, and the circular part of your flipflop plug that keeps the bread pin on falls off, stab a bobby pin through the rubber. It takes a bit of force but it’s been tried and tested and we can guarantee that your flip flop will hold up for a good while longer.
Buy Markers In The Same Colour As Your Clothes
Ripped a hole in the butt of your pants? Colour the skin of your butt in with that colour. Make sure you add a few mm around it so you have some room for movement, but also don’t move too much. You can also use them to colour over any stains you can’t get out.
Now that you’re somewhat more prepared for the problems you’ll come across on your travels, why not spend some of those travels with us? Check out all the festivals we still have coming up this season!
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